Stop Allowing Your Wants to Define Your Worth: Episode 400

Wanting something deeply can mess with your sense of worth when it doesn’t show up on your schedule. We dig into how we set imaginary deadlines on love, career, money, and life goals, then punish ourselves when we don’t “hit the mark.” I share why that mindset creates false realities, and how faith reframes delay as preparation instead of rejection.

We also get real about detours, trials, and tribulations. Sometimes the painful parts like embarrassment, hard lessons, toxic relationships, or a miserable boss are the very training that builds your self-respect and emotional strength. Using a couple vivid stories, including a strict classroom memory and a Karate Kid-style repetition lesson, we talk about how growth becomes second nature when you practice it long enough. That’s where spiritual growth and personal development meet: you don’t just hope for change, you build it.

From there, we tackle the validation trap. When your cup feels empty, searching for approval can spiral into anxiety, depression, and numb coping habits. We talk about prayer as “daily bread,” gratitude as a mindset reset, and taking inventory of what you already have so you can see real progress over time. If you’re working on self-worth, healing, and a stronger faith walk, this one is for you.

Subscribe for more conversations on healing and spiritual mindset, share this with someone who feels behind, and leave a review with the biggest deadline you’re ready to release.

©2022-2026 Soul Healer17:77, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Any copying of this poetry and audio in whole or part is prohibited. *I do not own the rights to the royalty free music*

Have a lovely day and stay blessed

Transcript

Welcome And The Core Question

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back, listeners. I'm Robin Black, and this is It's All About Healing Podcast. In today's episode, I kind of want to touch base on a few things, but I want to start with our wants tend to make us feel unworthy.

When Wants Trigger Unworthiness

SPEAKER_00 0:16

And what I mean by that, if you're if you're someone that wants a certain career, or you want a man or a woman in your life, or you want a car or a house, and you're unable to obtain it, how many of you start to internalize that? It starts to make you feel maybe I'm not worthy enough. What have I done that I don't get this? Right? Because we tend to put imaginary deadlines on things and say, hey, if this is taking too long, it must mean that it's just not meant for me. Right? It's the it's the end-all be-all, because we put imaginary deadlines on things, then that those imaginary deadlines lead to false realities, right? Because we believe if I don't have this in a year, if I don't have this in two years or five years, ten years, whatever the case may be, you start to say it's just not meant for me. I missed it. Right? There's so many people who love to talk about a missed opportunity, right? But you have to understand what is meant for

Detours, Timing, And God’s Will

SPEAKER_00 1:23

you, it will not pass you by. Right? That's that's the enemy that keeps lying to you, telling you, oh, all about all these missed opportunities. You missed the mark, you missed this, you missed that. No, God may take you on detours, right? Our trials and tribulations, the lessons that we must learn, it may take us on a detour. But if it's for us, it's for us. No man can take it away. Those are things that we have to hold on to. The only way the enemy can take it away is if you hand it over. You have to be that willing participant to say, okay, I give up. I'm just gonna go ahead and hand this over. But we have to focus on it's his will, not ours. We have to constantly go to God in everything that we do. I don't care if it's down to the outfit that you're gonna wear. Get in the in the habit of going to God about absolutely everything that you do. Question, hey God, what do you think about this? Should I wear red, white, blue? Which what color should I wear today? It could be literally anything. But get in the habit, get in the routine of just talking to God on a daily basis, because He is your everything. Anything that you want, anything that you need, anything that you're unsure about, he knows. So get in the habit of doing that.

A Sixth Grade Lesson On Embarrassment

SPEAKER_00 2:53

And I remember the things that we don't like, the things that make us uncomfortable. I remember I was in sixth grade, Miss Culpepper's class. And I remember she said she would always have us practice our cursive writing. And if we didn't do well on our cursive writing, she would make us go to the board or she would make us write it in our notebooks a hundred times. And we were like, oh my God, why does she keep doing this? And then we, if we were speaking in class and we said something incorrectly, she would call us out. She would be like, I don't know why you guys are doing this. I don't know. I know your parents, grandparents, whoever's raising you, they're not raising animals. You will not speak like this. You would not speak improper grammar in this class. Like she would just be like, Oh my goodness, what is wrong with this woman? Right? We're young. We don't get it. We don't understand why she's being the way that she is. Then if we messed up on a spelling word or whatever, she would make us go to the board and in front of the entire class, put us on blast, right? So we're like, this is so embarrassing. Why are you making me do this in the class? And she was like, Yeah, but your embarrassment is going to cause you to remember so it doesn't happen again. It teaches you not to do it again, right? It's like, let me make sure I go home and study so I don't have to be embarrassed like this. Right? Those are the things that God does. It whether it takes pain, whether it takes the pain of embarrassment, or it takes different types of pain. There's all different types of levels. But God does things like that because he wants us to remember. It's all about the preparation.

Repetition Builds Character Over Time

SPEAKER_00 4:42

And then if you look at that movie, what was that movie? Either the Karate Kid or Next Karate Kid with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith. And in one part, at first, it was like Jackie Chan, I think he was the mechanic or just like a retired guy. And he would be watching Jaden from a distance. He would see he and his mother, you know, just kind of their daily routine, what they were doing. And it wasn't in a creepy way or anything, right? It's it's a really good movie. But um, he was just watching from a distance in the beginning. Then he started talking to Jaden and realized that Jaden was in a karate and what he was trying to do, what he was trying to accomplish. But then he noticed that his mother kept telling him, hang your coat up. Once you take that coat off, be sure that you hang it up. And he wouldn't do it. She had to tell him every single day. So once he started training with Jackie Chan, that that's that was day one or however long they did it, for like the first week or first three days, something like that. For eight hours a day, that's all he would do is put his jacket on, take it off, hang it up. Put his jacket on, take it off, hang it up. Put his jacket on, take it off, hang it up. And he was like, why? He was getting so frustrated to the point where he almost started crying. And he was like, Why am I doing this? And Jackie Chan just stayed quiet. Right often the teacher will just stay quiet. And that's what God is doing with a lot of us. When he finally kept doing it, kept doing it, kept doing it, kept doing it. And he walked in the house and he just took his jacket off and immediately hung it up. And he said, What did you learn? And he was like, What do you mean? He didn't even notice that he did it because it came repetitious, right? It was, it was just second nature to him. And that's what he said. He was like, It's about repetition, it's about the manners that you were building, it's about the respect that you were building for your mother, right? He was like, You don't disrespect your mother and you don't respect disrespect her house. That's what God does with

Trials Align You For Blessings

SPEAKER_00 6:55

us. The areas, the things that we pray for, the things that we say that we want, God, I want a new house, I want a marriage, I want this, I want that. There's so many areas that need to actually align first. If we can't say, God, just give me this blessing without any preparation. So when we go through these trials, these tribulations, we go through different relationships, and you have to deal with the toxic relationships or oh, this person's using me, and this and that. Sometimes God has to break us down. The things that we don't want to experience because they're so uncomfortable or so painful, are the very things that God uses to help build us. Because things that are in us that we didn't even know were in us. Those are the only ways for it to come out is through trial and tribulation. It's through preparation. When things or people are out of reach or they seem out of reach, that's when you reach for him instead. Because he's always right there. He's always waiting. No line, no wait. The song Jesus is on the main line. He really is. And he's never gonna sit there and make you wait. He's very, very patient.

Measuring Progress And Self-Respect

SPEAKER_00 8:13

But we also have to focus on our own progress, it's that measurable progress. Where are we? Where was I two years ago? Whenever you're going through a breakup, or you're in a career, in the middle of a career, or maybe you're trying to find where where you fit. I still don't know what career path I want to take. But when you look back and you check your you check your progress, where was I three years ago? Am I a lot further? Yes. Where was I relationship-wise five years ago? Are you a lot further? Yes. A lot of times when people keep hurting us over and over and over and over and over again, you're building a tolerance because again, you're building, you're gaining that respect for yourself. Now you're now you've gained self-respect. Because once you go through all of that turmoil, all that pain, and all those relationships, or even the relationships with companies, right? You know, you understand that uh, hey, I'm not going to be taken advantage of anymore. I know my value, I know where I belong, I know what I'm worth. Once you know that, there is no going back. That's what God is taking his time building in you. He's waiting on you to rediscover you. This is who I am because of who is in me. Those are the things that God wants us to see and understand and never be able to let go. Because once that foundation is built, no one can tear it down. Absolutely no one. Because once you realize how re how much you should be respected because you respect yourself, you don't even attract that, you don't even attract that nonsense anymore. Those people, you're you're not, your, your vibration is different, right? You carry yourself differently because now you have more confidence. You know your value, you know your worth, and it starts to exude off of you. So those people that you once attract, they're not even looking at you anymore. Because now you're just not even on that level to attract those things or those people anymore. And you know for a fact, if they do still come in your atmosphere and they want to come talk to you, now you're not even going to give it a second thought. There is not going to be any entertaining stupidity. I hate to say it, but just whatever it is, you know, hey, this is just this is nothing but toxicity. And I don't have time for stupidity like that anymore. Because now I know who I am. I know where I belong, and I know who has me. And not only who has me, but also I know who carries

Validation, Anxiety, And Empty Cups

SPEAKER_00 11:14

me. So oftentimes when we're looking to reach out to others, when we're not getting the things that we want, it causes us to reach out. That feeling despair. It's like, well, now I gotta go look for validation. I have to search for validation. That way I can just get something and feel a little bit a little bit better about myself. But when your cup is empty, you can't just seek validation because it's only gonna make you feel worse. That's when you end up sulking and dwelling, and then you end up with depression and anxiety, and it's just a deep dark rabbit hole that you're putting yourself in. But you can't find your fulfillment in others and in things, the addictions, whatever the case may be, that's not going to fulfill you. Those are just temporary things. Only God can fill your cup. He may empty your cup, also, right? He empties our cup sometimes to keep us focused on him. But our troubles, our tribulations, those are what build the bridges that are over troubled waters. Some of these people who complain about horrible bosses and horrible relationships, some of those people at those jobs or in those relationships become your stepping stone to get you to that next level, to get you to where it is that you want and where you want to, what you want to be, and where you want to be.

Gratitude, Daily Prayer, And Purpose

SPEAKER_00 12:50

And oftentimes that's when you check your inventory. You check what do I already have? God gives me absolutely everything that I need. So what is it that I already have? God, I have a house, I have a car, I have my life, I if you have children, I have my children, I have my health, right? Did you start focusing on the positive things that you do have? Once you start focusing on the things that you do have, that's when God will start to bless you with more. But it all starts with prayer. You have to have that daily bread with God every single day. He is our daily bread. You can't have bread that sits on the counter for years and then just expect it to not mold. It's gonna mold. That's how God is. God's like, hey, I'm your daily bread. You need to come to me daily. That's what he needs. Prayers are like electricity, it only works if you keep them moving. You gotta keep praying every single day, multiple times a day. It's just talk to God. Again, make that create, make that create a habit in you of going to God, talking to God about every little thing, no matter how big or how small.

Closing Reminder To Stay Blessed

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Remember, each day that he wakes you up, that means that you still have purpose in you. Whether you become that walking testimony that someone else needs, or is just not done with your story, you never know what he's going to use you for. Remember, we're his vessel. So allow him to use us as his vessel and always remember to stay blessed.