Piercing the Silence - Telling the Truth Changed My Life Forever, with Darlene Lekowski: Episode 396

When the people who hurt you rewrite the story, telling the truth can feel like stepping onto glass barefoot. We sit down with Amazon best-selling author and motivational speaker Darlene Lakowski, who shares how childhood sibling sexual trauma followed her for decades, how PTSD showed up in unexpected ways, and why the “box” we hide pain in always leaks eventually.

Darlene opens up about the moment she finally spoke up inside her family, hoping for a simple apology and validation, and how that choice escalated into a defamation lawsuit that lasted more than two years. We talk about the pressure of being dared to take the stand, the insult of a one-dollar settlement offer, and the emotional reality of reliving trauma in a legal fight. Then we unpack what it meant to hear a unanimous jury confirm she was telling the truth, and why even a courtroom win doesn’t automatically create peace.

From there, we move into practical healing from trauma: why healing isn’t linear, how control can become a survival strategy that spills into marriage, parenting, and friendships, and what helped her begin letting go. Darlene also explains SSTA (sibling sexual trauma and abuse), why it’s more common than most people realize, and what survivors need most from the people they trust: “We hear you and we believe you.” She shares resources, her approach to therapy and long-term recovery, and the mission behind her book, Shattering Silence: A Story of Survival, Justice, and the Power of Telling the Truth.

If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more survivors and supporters can find these stories.

To reach Darlene: Website: darlene-lekowski.com
 Instagram: Instagram (@darlenelekowski)
 Facebook: (1) Facebook (Darlene Lekowski)
 LinkedIn: Darlene Lekowski – Speaker-Author: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darlene-
lekowski-0ba1962/
 “Shattering Silence” Book Trailer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acMzTHqwUyc

©2022-2026 Soul Healer17:77, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Any copying of this poetry and audio in whole or part is prohibited. *I do not own the rights to the royalty free music*

Have a lovely day and stay blessed

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back, listeners. I'm Robin Black, and this is It's All About Healing Podcast. We have a special guest with us, Miss Darlene Lakowski. She is an Amazon best-selling author, and now she is a motivational speaker. So, Miss Darlene, how are you today?

SPEAKER_01 0:19

I'm doing great. Thanks for having me on your show, Robin. I'm very privileged.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

No problem at all. So tell us a little bit about your journey and how you became the Amazon best-selling author.

Childhood Betrayal And The Trauma Box

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Sure. My journey is a sad one, and but it's turned into something triumphant based on the way that I healed. So to back the truck up, about 50 years, I was seven years old when the world first betrayed me.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

And I took all that pain and trauma and I put it in a box, thinking that I would never have to deal with it. But trauma never stays in a box. You know, throughout my lifetime, I found that it would start to leak. And I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD until two years ago. So 58 years old. But I had it on my life. Right. And I think that's part of my story. You know, I was too ashamed and afraid to talk about what happened to me. I thought I was the only one.

Going Public And The Lawsuit

SPEAKER_01 1:45

And now since I've gone public with my story, and the reason that I went public, Robin, was in 2021, my mom passed away and my dad had dementia. I'd vowed my parents were never to learn about this. I mean, I grew up in the 70s and 60s. We just didn't talk about problems. We buried them. And then I got an argument with one of the brothers. And so I sent them an email saying, look, I have all these memories. I know what you did to me. I've buried it, but I'm tired. I literally said, I'm tired of living with this box.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

And instead, I was, you know, I was hoping for a sincere apology for validation, what they'd done to me all those years. Yeah. Instead, one of them handed me a lawsuit.

unknown 2:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Yeah. So I got sued for defamation in 2022 and went through a trial that took over two and a half years, and I finally took the stand.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Oh my goodness. And so this is one of your brothers, or both brothers took it to trial? So that's a great question because one of the brothers.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

So I got in the argument with the one that's five years older than me. And one of the difficult things about my family, because we grew up in the 60s, all of our first names start with the letter D. Uh-huh. So Don is five years older than me. David is nine years older than me. Those are the two brothers that abused me. I got in the argument with Don. So then Don went out and started telling family members I'd had a nervous breakdown, I was a psychopathic liar, all of this stuff. So I called David the next morning and I'm like, David, I just need to talk to you. I didn't tell him anything about the argument with my other brother. I just said, I know you did this to me. Can you just please say you're sorry? And David confessed. He said, Yeah, I'm a terrible person. I regret what I did. But when it all became public, David recanted and said, No, I'm a liar, but it was only Don that actually sued me.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Okay. Oh my goodness. And this happened in 2022.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Yes. So I had a sheriff show up at my door on January 6th, 2022.

unknown 4:22

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

You know, and I tried to negotiate. I tried to say, look, I you keep making me spend money on legal fees. And I was I was saying to myself, I would have accepted apology. I would have accepted sorry, but that that ship has sailed. I've now spent thousands of dollars in money. And so in order for me to walk away, I said, just pay me half of what I've spent and I'll walk away. But he wouldn't do it. And at mediation, we we get to mediation. That's your requirement to do go to mediation before you go to trial. Guess what he offered me? I'd spent 30,000, mind you. I said, I'll settle if you just give me 15. Guess what he offered me? What one dollar.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

It was such an insult that was like worse than just saying nothing. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

But he was still, I think he and his lawyer thought that I would be too afraid to get up on that stand. In fact, those words were even said to me. Like, aren't you going to be afraid to take the stand and embarrassed and ashamed? And that was a huge turning point for me when those words were said to me in my face.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

And so the legality behind that, so there are no statute of limitations on a case like this.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Well, so I was sued for defamation. There's no statute of limitations for defamation.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

What is, I don't think it's ironic. Now keep in mind there is no evidence of this or proof of this. Okay. Okay. I live in Charlotte, North Carolina, in the state of North Carolina back in 2021. They lifted the statute of limitations for a year where victims could sue their perpetrators. And that's that got lifted and ended December 31, 2021. One year prior. One month. Oh my brother sues me. No, even January 16. That's right. January 6th. That's right. Okay. I don't think that's a coincidence. But I have no evidence that he planned that, but still, come on. You you so he sent me cease and desist letters that July. I ignored them both. My attorney's like, if you're telling the truth and you're never going to recant the truth, then what's the point responding? So he waited six months before he sued me. And then we finally get to trial January 29th, 2024. Two and a half excruciating years. I mean, I've got I'm reliving my trauma all over again. I'm trying to control everything. I'm so angry and bitter. You know, I was I was losing it. And you know, I sit through five days of his trial, and then I had countersued him for defamation because he was going around telling everybody all these terrible things about

Trial Verdict And Hard-Won Validation

SPEAKER_01 7:49

me.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

And on February 5th, 2024, a unanimous jury of 12 in less than an hour said I was telling the truth and he was lying, and I won both cases.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Oh my goodness. Well, that's a blessing on its own. Wow. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you can just rewind for a

Survival Strategies And Dissociation

SPEAKER_00 8:10

moment. So, Darlene, all this was happening when you were seven. So you guys all lived at home with both parents.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Yes. Yes. My parents stayed together forever until they passed. And I was the youngest of five children. So I had an older sister, 11 years older than me, then my two perpetrators, and then I had another brother, two and a half years older than me. And I hid it. And those two brothers would find me and get me when I was completely alone in the house. I mean, my dad was a big executive, and my mom, you know, was driving five kids around to different places. And so I just built survival strategies as a child, how to figure out how to stay out of that house.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Oh my goodness. So from seven to 12, then, correct? Yeah. And then as far as trying to just comprehend everything from the age seven to 12, how were you able to cope with that alone since you kept it hidden? Did you just kind of disassociate yourself with it, or what exactly did you do?

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, when I say I took my trauma and put it in a box, I literally did that. I created two darlings. Okay. So you're right. There was the disassociation of, you know, the third time that I was assaulted, it was it turned into rape. So the first brother had sexually assaulted me. He moved out of the house. And then that's when the second brother started. They claim neither one of them knew what had been done to me. Yeah. I I don't believe that's true because since I've gone public with my story, I've had neighbor friends who said they were getting assaulted by their brothers too. And they remember instances that my brain won't let me remember. Yeah. But as a little girl, I just created so many strategies. I said, in order to survive, I have to be in control of every single thing around me. Yeah. And I decided I'm going to cut my hair. I'm going to look like a tomboy. Because if I look like a tomboy, maybe my brothers won't be interested in me anymore. Right. You know, I said, I'm going to become incredibly athletic. I am popular because the more athletic I am, the more clubs that I belong to, the less chance I'm ever alone in that house.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Right. Correct. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Yeah. And then I just did a couple different other strategies. And I just I thought I could bury it. And it was buried. And I was just, you know, I became afraid of the dark. I had lots and lots of recurring nightmares. Why my parents didn't pry, why I was crawling into their bed at 10 years old.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

I'm not quite sure. But, you know, they just, I was the youngest of five. So maybe they thought that was it. But it was at 17 years old when my box started to leak, and I started to tell people that I loved and trusted what happened to me.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Yeah, I like that. So at least you felt comfortable and you had that space to kind of have an outlet. So how exactly did they respond to that? Was it the type of response that you wanted?

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Yes, absolutely. So the good news is my entire life, every single person that I have told that I was sexually assaulted has believed me. So I'm very, very fortunate.

Triggers, Disclosure, And Being Believed

SPEAKER_01 12:04

For me, the way I told my trauma though wasn't necessarily based on I've got to tell. It was I was 17 years old, I had consensual sex for the first time. So I'm bawling, I'm crying, and my boyfriend at the time has no idea what's going on. So then I tell him that I invite him to keep the secret and I put him in the box with me. Yeah. And then I'm in my 20s. I'm in Washington, DC with five of my girlfriends at St. Patti's Day weekend, and I'm on a dance floor, and all of a sudden I start screaming and yelling and flipping out. No idea what's going on, what happened to me, but something triggered me. And so the next morning I felt like I needed to tell my girlfriends, like I'm so ashamed and embarrassed about my behavior. I need to explain to you why I behaved the way that I did, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

And you had that safe space and they were there.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

I did. Yeah. All five of those girlfriends were like, oh my gosh, we're so sorry. What happened to you? We believe you. And that's what I think, you know, survivors need to hear from others. Right. That we hear you and we believe you. Don't pry about what happened, but just have the knowledge of knowing that I had girlfriends there who got me. And in fact, all five of those girlfriends testified for me at my trial. That's amazing. That's how I knew I was not alone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Yeah, definitely. So, and what was the outcome? With I understand that you did win both cases, but what exactly was the outcome? Do you still are you still in communication with either brother, or how is life with all of your siblings now?

SPEAKER_01 13:59

So sadly, my sister passed away back in 2008 of breast cancer. So she also never found out. Now, mind you, she was out of the house away at college at 17 when my abuse started at seven, because she was that much older than me. But today, the two perpetrators are kind of over here doing their thing, saying terrible things about me. And then my my brother, two and a half years older than me, Dale, another D, he was pressured to by my brother Don to testify. And Dale's like, I don't know anything about this. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to decide. And Don pressured Dale so much that he's like, Look, I believe my sister. Yeah, and so I'm so appreciative and thankful that my brother and his wife said, Darlene, there's no way you could have made any of this up. We love we believe you. And yeah, so it's me and Dale. We were a family of seven, but now we're down to two, and I'm okay with that. That's part of the healing process, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Yes, I love that because it's still a blessing that he's there. Yeah, you know, this to still say I still have Dale like that. Yeah, huge. Yeah, so I definitely love that. So, but you you eventually you are just so amazing that you are a strong woman, and it's such an honor to be a survivor and be able to share your story. And I just I great, I am so grateful that you came on to share this story. But you definitely you went on, you're you're thriving now, and then you are are you married now as well?

Motherhood, Marriage, And Shame

SPEAKER_00 15:43

So I'm on my second husband.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Okay, okay. First marriage didn't go so well. I was married, I was together with him for 24 years, married for 21. I'm now with my second husband. I think sometimes your second marriage, everyone's different, but for me, I did I had no self-confidence in my first marriage. I just I ended up hating the person that I was becoming, and that was part of my growth that I realized, yeah, this guy isn't right for me. So I'm I've been married to my second husband since 2013, and we are very, very happily married. I married him, who he had three dogs and no kids, and he married me with three teenagers. So short end of the stick on that one.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

There's definitely some strength from both sides. Yes, yeah, three teenagers, and what are they all girls, boys, a mixture?

SPEAKER_01 16:42

So my daughter is now 29 and she lives in Jacksonville, Florida. She works at Mayor down there, and then I have twin boys who will be 25 next month. One is in the army in Hawaii, and then the other one works for a company here in Charlotte. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

And so how was that when they heard about this? How did they handle that?

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Oh my gosh, I was so afraid because remember, I was so ashamed of what happened to me. I thought I was the only one in the world this has happened to.

Sibling Sexual Trauma And Abuse Reality

SPEAKER_01 17:18

And I think an important statistic for your followers to hear is the former word incest is now really called sibling sexual trauma and abuse or SSTA. And it is believed by researchers that in a classroom of 25 children, at least one is currently getting abused by an older brother or sister. It's that common, yet nobody talks about it. Yeah, and so you know that was part of my fear. Like, what are they gonna think about me? This no mother should have to tell this horrible story to their children.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

But when I did, my sons were like, Oh my god, mom, we love you, we believe you. Why didn't you tell us sooner? Because now we get why you've been trying to control our lives all the time. I'm like, okay. Oh, and then my daughter, she really helped me tremendously in the healing process. So keep in mind it was in 2021 where I had to tell because my brother was going out telling everybody. Yeah, and she came home from college, we were going on a family trip, and I sat her in my office. I wanted to tell her in person, and she said to me, Mom, I believe you, I understand you, I hear you, but I also hear that you haven't forgiven yourself first. Oh, and that, oh my gosh, I was like, Oh my gosh. And so that's when my shame started leaving the box.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Because as survivors, the shame is not for ours to carry, but we do absolutely, yeah, absolutely, and it's like because I remember when I was going through mine, and I remember I was speaking to a doctor, and she said, you know, with the podcast that I'm doing, she said, You you gift yourself to everyone else, but you don't gift yourself to yourself, like you don't give to yourself, and that was just like it. I started bawling my eyes out because I'm like, oh my goodness. So when you just said that about your daughter, that's what that reminded me of. So I feel that it is the is your book kind of your gift to yourself because you're sharing your voice, you become that testimony for everyone out there who's still ashamed and hiding the secret.

Letting Go Of Control To Heal

SPEAKER_01 19:53

Absolutely. I mean, part of my journey is Robin. I thought winning the trial would heal me. I thought, oh, I've won, I've been validated, I'm healed. Well, it didn't heal anything. You know, I still had to go through the journey. I still had all this control issues. I oh I thought and mandated that I always had to win because to me, winning was survival. Well, if you always have to win, guess who your opponents also are? It's your husband, it's your children, it's your friends. You know what I mean? And so what happened to me, there was another PTS incident that I talk about in the book, but it became a defining moment for me that I had to look within, which is very difficult to do when you're a survivor. Yeah. And I had to say, what are some of the things that I might be doing that might be causing some of these issues? And so I really had to say to myself, I have to let go in order to live my life forward.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

I had to let go of the control, the bitterness, the anger, the resentment, the need to always win. And that's when I decided my story doesn't end with winning the trial. It's time for me to write a book. Yeah. And that became incredibly cathartic because the book, the beginning talks about the assaults, but the book is really for anybody who's ever had someone say try to steal their voice or their purpose. It's it's more about like what do you do when you're literally walking on shards of glass? How do you keep going? And that's part of the story. It's about the healing and growing within and moving forward.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

I love that. And I also just kind of want to add is that healing is far from linear, right? We can We can go 60s, you know what I mean? 20 years, 30 years down the line, and we could still have another emotional breakdown. But one thing that I do know is that pain, it becomes a part of you. You know, it you take it with you where you go. I don't feel that it's ever just, oh, I'm completely healed. I'm okay with it. I don't think it's that. Just like when someone passes away or you're suffering a loss, is you don't just get over it, right? It has to, you have to learn to grow with it.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

I completely agree with you. I mean, I have been in therapy since I was 2022, and I'm not stopping. I've tried different modalities, different techniques. This one helps a little bit with that, this one helps a little bit with that. But I mean, someone said to me, healing is not a destination, it's a journey, it's a lifelong journey, and I'm proud to be healing, you know. I love it. Yeah. I mean, I spoke, I surprised myself. I spoke, I did a 40-minute presentation at a survivors conference in New York on June 23rd. And afterwards, when I'm at the airport with a couple of my friends, like I had a realization moment of more letting go that I had to do because I'm like, I'm talking about letting go, yet I haven't let go of this.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

And that's part of the healing process.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

And do you ever speak to anyone individually or are you always speaking to large groups?

Resources, Speaking, And The Book

SPEAKER_01 23:31

So I'm not a counselor or a therapist, but on my website, I have a new website. It's called darlene speaksup.com. And there are a ton of resources in there for survivors. So there's a whole section. If you're a survivor of SSTA, but there's another section for other abuse survivors.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

And then I also have what's called my survival guide. So I talk about like what were some of the healing methods that I did? What were some of the books that helped me? Songs. I mean, music does wonders for healing. Absolutely. You know, so I go through that, but I wrote initially the book for me to heal myself, but now my journey has catapulted me into why stop at a book. Right. So now as I as I lean into retirement, I'm actually becoming a motivational speaker, believe it or not. That's kind of crazy. My husband's like, really? You're gonna do this when you turn 65? Well, I'm like, I'm doing it now.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

There's nothing wrong with it. That is awesome. That is amazing. That is very, very powerful. Very powerful story. So, Darlene, and how long did it take you to write your book?

SPEAKER_01 24:53

So, for me, because I still work full time, I'm in a very stressful job at a payments fintech company. I actually chose to hire a ghostwriter. Okay. So I I found my publisher of all places on Instagram. I saw a post that she did. But then, you know, you get on a connection like this, and we connected. And I'm like, it's gonna take me eight years to write this book. You know, so she helped me find a ghostwriter. I mean, it took us eight months to write it instead of eight years. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Well, that's I however it came together, is how it came together. And so that's all that matters. And you published this when again.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

So it came out on Amazon on April 2nd, 2026, and it became Amazon number one bestseller for inner child and self-help for healing. Oh my goodness! Well, congratulations! Yeah, I'm pretty excited. It's it's a journey, that's for sure. But you know, I was just thrilled to have gotten on the bestseller list on that date.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Yeah. And if there was anything, any bit of information or just anything that you can add to the listeners, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 26:13

I would say it's never ever too late to tell your story. That I it I was almost 60 when I told mine, you know what I mean? But let it go, get it out, whatever box or secret you're carrying. Trust me, it's not worth holding on to it. You've got to let it go in order to recognize that you can live your best life forward when you don't have all of that black tar inside your soul.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Yes, I love that because you definitely went from strife to strength, and you're letting you're letting the listeners know that there's always gonna be a way out. There's it's gonna get better, it will 100% get better. And that's where I think a lot of times we kind of get in our heads and we just feel that there's no way out. This is the end all be all. So what do we do now?

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Right, right. And it's it's not easy. I mean, it is a lot of work. Like you said, healing never ends. I don't want it to end, right? I just want to become better and better. Like I say, I I'm like a fine wine. I just get better with age and get better with you, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:25

I love that. I love that so much. Well, thank you again so much for coming on. And for the listeners, one more time, what is the best way to reach you? Which I'm also gonna add to the show notes, but just for those who aren't looking, what is the best way for them to reach you?

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Sure. So the best way is probably to find me on Instagram. It's at Darlene Lekowski. But like I said, I also have my website, which is darlenksup.com. And you can contact me through the website or Instagram. I'm also on Facebook as well as LinkedIn under the name Darlene Lekowski. So you should have no problem finding me. And then my my book is available not only on Amazon, it's in all formats, including audiobook in my voice, but it's you can get it anywhere you buy digital books online. So it doesn't have to be on Amazon. And what is the name of your book? Oh, that's a really great question. Thank you for asking. It's Shattering Silence, a story of survival, justice, and the power of telling the truth. Oh gosh, I just love that.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Even the title is just so powerful. Oh, thank you. No problem again, and thank you again so much, Darlene.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

And thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

No problem. And thank you, listeners. Again, I'm Robin Black, and this is It's All About Healing Podcast. Everyone, stay blessed.