It's All About Healing

From Addiction To Redemption, with Scott Hartman: Episode 372

• Robin Black

Share episode

Send us a text

A 30-year addiction meets the long road to faith, forgiveness and service. Scott shares how trauma, relapse and loss led to recovery, street ministry and a relentless commitment to love people where they are.

• physical, mental and sexual abuse shaping early isolation
• first pain pills at 17, escalation to meth and IV use
• divorce, overwork and anger hardening into violence
• unresolved grief after father’s death fueling relapse
• theft, mother’s stroke and a collapse into psychosis
• a treatment bed against the odds and surrender
• clean date 19 December 2016 and daily faith practices
• celebrate recovery, prison ministry and street outreach
• meeting people where they are and listening deeply
• forgiveness of self and others unlocking freedom
• handling surgery, medications and triggers without relapse
• practical steps to keep pushing and pray through setbacks
• contact info and book details for more resources

From chasing dope to pushing hope, my steps to recovery and redemption

If you or someone you love is fighting addiction, trauma or the weight of shame, this conversation offers real hope and practical steps. Listen, share it with a friend who needs light, and if it resonates, subscribe and leave a review so more people can find their way back to purpose.


©2022-2026 Soul Healer17:77, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Any copying of this poetry and audio in whole or part is prohibited. *I do not own the rights to the royalty free music*

Have a lovely day and stay blessed

Support the show

SPEAKER_02:

Welcome back, listeners. I'm Robin Black, and this is It's All About the Healing Podcast. Today we're we're going to be speaking about a 30-year drug addiction, being mad at God, and where he is today. We have wonderful guests, Scott Hartman. Scott, how are you? I am blessed, Robin. How are you doing? I I am doing well and I'm very eager to hear this story. So you said 30 years you were addicted to drugs. What what was that? What were those, what were those drugs, should I say?

SPEAKER_00:

It started with pain pills at the age of 17 and then it went to meth. I I turned into a I was a speed freak. So which the pain pills was really, it was always in my system. And every relationship that I was in, they didn't know that I was an addict. They knew I drank, but they didn't know I had a drug problem. So if I couldn't go get the hard stuff, I still had the pain pills because doctors were throwing the pain pills out like they were candy. But my my main drug of choice was methamphetamines all the way. I mean, I've done coke in there, and near the end of my run, it was a lot of crack, ecstasy, but meth, and then it went to ice, of course. But I was an IV user for a lot of years. But I it started, you know, when I when I was young and grew up in I lived in Germany because I was an army brat, which was cool being over there. I mean, I remember some things about even though I was young, we're talking early 70s, the castles and learning how to play T-ball and all that fun stuff as a kid. But that was blinding because my dad was a very severe alcoholic. So he would come home, beat my mom, beat my sister, and beat me. This went on for years, and then we moved back to the States and my dad stayed over there. So, you know, I I had the abandonment issues at that point, but didn't know I had them because when you're an army brat and you move around, if you as a young kid, if you have a friend, they move or you move, it hurts your feelings, but you don't know why. Yeah. So I wanted you to be my friend, but you weren't crossing this line. I had this bubble. Yeah. And then when I got into recovery, they said that's when your abandonment issue started. Right. When we moved in with my grandma, things were good with my grandma, but but she was old school. She was one of those grandmas that if you did something wrong, you go out and get a switch, and you better make sure you got the right one because if not, you're getting it twice. You're gonna get it with the one you got, she's gotta go get it. Right. But one night we were eating dinner, and my mom was at work or school, I don't remember, but I threw up on a plate of food at the dinner table. I couldn't leave until I ate the throat and the food underneath it. Oh my goodness. So at a young age, right off the bat, I had the the physical abuse and then the mental abuse. Yeah. Well, then my mom, she got remarried, and we moved to Festus, Missouri, which is about 30 miles south of St. Louis, and everything was cool with my my stepdad. Everything was he had two sons and a daughter, and we blended nice. And I was to the point now, okay, my mom got a job, she's married, they bought a house, we're not moving around anymore. I want you to be my friend, but you're not crossing the line. Yeah. But then my stepdad sexually assaulted me in the middle of the night. Oh my goodness. So at a young age, it was like I'd call it the trifecta of just like trauma, you know, the physical, the mental and then the sexual. Well, in the 80s, you just don't know how to talk. You don't talk about it. Boys don't talk about it. They're gonna make fun of you. Now, in the process of like my grandma and my mom, we were going to church, right? We sang happy birthday to Jesus on Christmas. I didn't know why. Yeah, why we were going to church, other than that's the thing you do. You go to church on Sundays, you go to church on the holidays. So after that happened with my stepdad, everything just went awry. I started beating my way of dealing with that at that point was beating people up. Right, right. Don't get me wrong, it was just violence.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

If I didn't like somebody's parents, I would be the guy that would like around Christmas time when you get all the Christmas lights out, you turn them on, and if one bulb is out, it screws the whole screen up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I would find somebody that I didn't like and I'd pull the one bulb out on their house, and then I'd start throwing stuff at them when they would try to fix it. Right. Yeah. I would robbin, I was awful. But I didn't on the outside I looked like I was had everything under control, but on the inside I was just screaming, crying. And I I almost wished that uh, and I'm not knocking the principals or the teachers, but I almost wish they would have said, Scott, what's wrong? Instead, they were calling me Rocky because everybody I beat up they didn't like.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

They were like fueling the anger on the inside. So when I was 17, we ended up, I was in an accident at work, and that's when the doctor gave me pain pills. I moved in with my girlfriend and her parents, and you know, when the pain pills hit, then I I I I realized where I thought I fit in. Does that make sense? It just changed my whole outlook on things. Okay. There's there's no church at this point. There's no God, there's nothing. You know, we talk about well, God didn't know was not there. And is all this taking place in Germany? No, no, no. This was I've I moved out of Germany in 78. Okay. The physical beating started in Germany, the mental happened south of St. Louis, and then the physicals all within the same area. So at this point, I'm living south of St. Louis. And you know, my wife and I, she got pregnant, we bought a trailer, got divorced at a young age. Because we I was 19, she was 17 and pregnant. We thought we knew everything and didn't know anything. You know what I mean? The parents saying you got to get married. Well, when she moved out of the trailer, I let a friend of mine move in to help me with the bills because I thought I was gonna lose everything. So I was working 60 hours a week, midnights at one place, driving and working 40 hours a week because it was midnight and then 40 hours a week during the day, and then going home and sleeping. And at this point, it was just uh the pain pills, mountain dew, many things, nothing too crazy. I tell my manager at the day job, it was a shoney's, and shoney's on Sunday's breakfast bar. I don't know if you remember Sony's or not. Yes, I do. Um but I walked in one morning and I had black circles under my eyes, and he said, Man, you look rough. And I said, Well, good morning to you too. And he said, Go into the bathroom after I come out. And Robert, I'm telling you, I walked in and there was just there was a white line of powder on the back of the sink, and it was good scott, bad scott, good scott, bad scot. This is my manager, you know what I mean? So, but I was losing everything anyway. I didn't care. My wife was gone, I didn't see my son. So I that's when the mess started at 22. My dad called, the one that was beating me. He called and said, I want to move to Missouri to be closer to you and your sister. But and I said, I got a room because the trailer I had was three bedrooms. So I said, You can move in with me, but you cannot drink. Right. Robin, I'm telling an alcoholic that he cannot drink, and I'm having keg parties in the other room. Right. Drugs rock and roll. Um, so when I found out he was drinking, he I kicked him out because I didn't think about the situation you I put him in. I was thinking about the beatings he was giving me. You know what I mean? I was just like in that mindset. And about six weeks later, we were at a funeral and he came up and he wanted to make things good. I wasn't ready. You know how we're gonna do things on our time because we think we got all the time in the world, at least I did, right? So I told him to get away, and a week later he went to sleep and never woke up. So the last conversation I had with my dad was out of hate. So you can imagine where the relationship with God is at this point.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And then where did your at that point, where were you looking to drugs more so as an outlet or just to kind of numb pain at this point?

SPEAKER_00:

The whole time that I was using the drugs or the alcohol, it was to numb the pain on the inside.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's because I didn't want to think, I didn't want to feel. And I went harder after my dad passed away. Yeah. He's buried at Jefferson Barracks in St. Louis, and for 20 years I couldn't go to his grave. I could not go. Every time I'd go, I would just start like bawling because I could not face it. Because I I I miss my dad, you know, and that spot that I put him in. So once that did, I ended up losing a trailer. I was in and out of relationship, couldn't hold a job, but I didn't care because I was always high. Yeah, that's all I cared about. I I didn't care about anything else. I made you think I did, but I always had a plan. There was always a reason why I was doing what I was doing. No church. No, no, not at all. And you know, from 96 to 2013 was all it was it was all the same. In and out of jobs, relationships, you know, I was on probation for possession with the attend to distribute. So it was all that chaos. And in 2013, I was living with this girl. We were gonna get married. She was just an amazing woman, two kids, beautiful house and six acres. And my addiction got the best of me, and I started stealing everything from her. Stuff that she couldn't replace, stuff that she was gonna hand down to her kids, you know. Oh my god. Um so she kicked me out, and I ended up moving in to my mom's basement. So at this point, I'm 45 years old living in mommy's basement with no car, no job, no money. But I have my ride or die dope friends, the ones that are never gonna leave you until something goes wrong and then they're gonna leave. Right, correct. And my mom had been remarried this at this point to just an amazing man. They've been together 18 years, I think, at that point. But I didn't I knew we had frontal lobe dementia, but Rob and I didn't know my mom was putting him into a nursing home. So she was already under that stress.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, and I'm sorry, and you said he had what now? Frontal lobe dementia. Oh, okay, frontal lobe dementia. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I didn't I had never heard of frontal lobe dementia at that point, I just thought it was dementia. Right. Or Alzheimer's at that point, but frontal lobe. Okay. So she was under a lot of stress as it was, and she's got her son robbing her blind. And I took money off her debit card one day, and uh I come home and I I I put the debit card back in her wallet, like there's no way she's gonna know that I took it, you know. But the bank caught me, little cameras, and she we really we got into an altercation argument. She told me to get out of her house. So I gave her the keys, got out of the house, and three days later I'm I'm partying, doing my thing, and my phone rings, and it's my sister. And my mom was on the way to the nursing home. She was at the nursing home walking down the hallway, went into my stepdad's room, and she had a brainstem stroke.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00:

That was rough. Um, she was in ICU and Robin. I couldn't even go see my mom unless I was got high. I could not even go see my mom unless I was I was high. You know.

SPEAKER_02:

And why do you feel that is? Why guilt or what was the reasoning?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I was in that mode anyway. I couldn't function unless I had something in my system anyway. Okay. But I think it was the guilt and shame that was hitting me because I I was still I stole everything that under the sun from her. Right. It was so bad, Robin. I remember one night we were in the ICU waiting room. It was my sister, brother-in-law, my uncle and nieces. And where the hospital was across the road, I mean, there was probably 20 or 30 restaurants down within a mile. You know what I mean? It just in the and I said, Look, I gotta go get something to eat and process this because I couldn't process it. Yeah. Two hours later, my sister called. I was where are you at? I said, I'm still in a restaurant, you know, I'm just having a hard time dealing. Robin, you know where I was at at that point?

SPEAKER_01:

Where getting high?

SPEAKER_00:

I was South St. Louis. I had a prostitute in my vehicle and we were getting high. Oh no. As my mom was dying.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

That's the depth of where I was at. And I was telling my mom, I was telling God, look, you need to kill me and save my mom. My mom didn't deserve it. I do take my life. I mean, it was it was bad. And then not long after that, I was in a I was in that accident where I had all the metal in my leg. And I was in the hospital for a month and a half because I had to have eight surgeries. And uh my mom ended up passing away while I was in the hospital. And we knew that she was gonna, they put her on the hospice because she didn't, she had it in the clause, she didn't want to live on machines, and that was the only way she was gonna function. Okay. So when I got out and they they waited for me to get out for them to have her memorial, robbing not one person, talk to me but a little kid.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

They all treated me like a plague because they blamed me for my mom's death. And they still do. My my sister hasn't talked to me since 2015.

SPEAKER_02:

They how I'm sorry to cut you off, just how are you coping with that now?

SPEAKER_00:

I've made my amends to her. I gotta I put it in God's hands. There's nothing more I can do. I I can't let it control me. Right, yeah. When my red and people ask, well, she doesn't she see what you're doing now? And I say, look, I was an addict for 30 years. I can't expect my sister to come back to me at nine years. Right, absolutely. Because I did a lot of damage. So after the memorial, I went back to my my fiance's house, the one that kicked me out because I needed a place to recover for therapy because I was in a wheelchair and a walker and crutches, and um, she's trying to make it the relationship work again. And you know what I was thinking about, Robin? What? When can I get high again? When can I walk? When can I drive? That's all right where my mind was. But the weird thing was, is at this point, I was opening the Bible, but I don't know what I why I was. Well, I'm gonna backpedal. I was hearing people say, Well, God has blessed me doing this, and God is doing this in my life, and God, so my mindset was if I open the Bible and just read a little bit, God is gonna start blessing them. Wrong reasons, yeah, absolutely, wrong reasons, um, and then when I wasn't getting those blessings, he's punishing me for everything I did, he's forgot about me. Just all these thoughts were going in my head, right?

SPEAKER_02:

Right, all the negative thoughts.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yes, and I've got a I've got a tattoo, but it's 2 Corinthians 5 7, which means we live by faith, not by sight. Yeah, I keep that on as a reminder for me and others that just because in my addiction, the problem was I was living it in reverse. And Robin, I see people do that now since I've been in recovery, living by sight, not by faith. Okay, God, they're thinking, okay, God, if you're there, I need the the relationship, the money, the job, the car, whatever. And because we don't get it, we think that God isn't there. Right. And that's how I was living in my addiction. So when I got in recovery, that that's right there because I realize now He gives me everything I need when I need. Right. Absolutely. Not when I want it, because if I get it when I want it, I'm gonna screw it up. Yeah. Um, so I started stealing from her again. Everything that was left from the last time, I cleaned her up. I mean, I destroyed her and her kids. Um, I I wish I could go back and and just say I'm sorry, but that's one of those where I just have to leave alone. Yeah, you know what I mean. There's if God wants it, wants me to do that, I will, but I gotta leave that alone because I don't want to do more harm.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

If that makes any sense.

SPEAKER_02:

No, that makes perfect sense. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

But then she kicked me out again, and you know, there was I I was so mad I couldn't even kill myself the right way. Couldn't even take pills, I was doing this, I just blasting them. And that's when I ended up on the streets of St. Louis. And then I made it to some friends' house. I was up for 15 days, I collapsed. I thought Martians were living in my head. One Martian behind here, here. If you had a hat on like this, you were out to kill me. I mean, I was just a ment-induced psychosis. And when I woke up in the hospital, they said, What do you want? I said, I'm done. I have no fight left in me and no job, no car, no money, no family. Obviously, couldn't kill myself the right way, so just give me some help. Yeah. So they called a treatment center in St. Charles, which is like 30 minutes west of St. Louis. Got me in in three days. There was a thousand-person waiting list, but they got me in in three days. And I said, How are you getting me in that fast? Yeah. And the only reason why I took three days is because one day it was Christmas and I don't do uh intakes on Christmas. And they said, Scott, you're a shooter, so you're more apt to OD. And I said, I get that, but you can't tell me out of a thousand people I'm the only shooter. I don't buy it. And they said, Scott, just take it. Yeah. And that's when I realized God was saying, Okay, you're done. I've got you. Wow. That was nothing but God.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But I was still mad at him. I mean, how messed up is that? You know what I mean? How crazy is that that when I got into treatment, I I was still mad at God. I I I had to process a lot of stuff. I had to go on that journey of just start to peel back the onions. And when my mind got clear, and I sat back and looked when I was at East St. Louis, I getting robbed and I should have been killed, and I didn't. God was with me the whole time. Absolutely. God was with me the whole time. So my clean day is December 19th, 2016. That's when that's when Jesus said, okay, you're done. You're done. I got you. You're gonna kick and scream, but I got you. And you know, my life has been a blessing since it it's never easy. Haven't talked to my sister since 2015, haven't seen my son since 1997. They moved out of state. I found them on Facebook and I tried to send him a message. Yeah. Just something brief. He made it clear he doesn't want nothing to do with me. And I can't I can't blame him for that because I wasn't the dad that I was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because even when they moved out of state, I could have been looking at it, but I was worried about getting high.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

That one hurts more than my not talking to my sister and my nieces and my that hurts. I mean they might hurt, but if there's one that's gonna hurt them, it's my son.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. Understandable.

SPEAKER_00:

How I deal with that, I laid it down at the cross, you know. I gave it to I gave it to Jesus. And when when Jesus, if he wants us to connect, we will. And if not, there's nothing I can do. But I when you get into the programs of NA and AA, they say you gotta make sure you clean your side of the street. I've done that. There's nothing more I can do. Now, since I've been in recovery, I'm real big into celebrate, I'm real big into celebrate recovery. Yeah, um, I've done the steps seven times. I was a men's ministry leader. I take celebrate recovery into a um a medium security prison not far from me. I take them into the inmates and just love on them and just show them what Jesus can do when we when we lay it down.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So, you know, and this is God. I got married July 5th of last year to an amazing Holy Spirit. Just amazing woman. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. And then August 22nd, in and out of hospitals, three surgeries, haven't worked. That's enough. That's allowed for a new marriage. Yeah, definitely. But God has been all up in it. Yeah. And I have a street ministry that I started probably about six months into recovery. And my wife when when she was when in this, we were doing an outreach with a another church. She was right there with me. I mean, she was that that's where her heart is too. You know, and we go where people don't want to go. I'm not like, what do you mean? I gotta be I'll give you an instance. For before I got connected with this other church, God would say, okay, this is where I want you to go. So I would pull up in North City, North St. Louis, corner gas station. There'd be prostitution, drug deals, homeless people, and these two gangbangers. Because I I'd open the trunk of the car and I have like chips and water, and I'd have hot dogs or something in the just to give them something to snack on, love on them, pray with them, whatever they needed. Um, and these two gangbangers. And I knew they were gangbangers. They called me over to their car waiting to get gas. And when I walked up, I thought Chichin Chong was in the vehicle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You saw nothing but smoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And you know, they were packing. And I said, I got some hot dogs and water and chips. I said, and they said, no, we're good, but they they said, you know, you realize that 90% of the people out in this area are black, right? I said, I can still love on you guys. Yeah. And they said, you know what? They said, well, we need that in this area. You keep doing what you're doing. Yeah. So I'd be the only, I'd be the only, I guess, out-of-town white person.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

In a in the hood, as they call it. Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, and it'd be summertime and I'm tatted up and I got this gold chain on, and some people thought I was the police. Yeah. And one guy was telling him, no, he's just a pastor out loving on people. Yeah. So where we go now, there's a lot of guns, a lot of sex trafficking, and I see that stuff. But I don't look at them any different, you know. I don't because they're just like they're just like us. They're just like me. They're just in a they're just in a dark spot. Um they may not be ready to get out of that area or that situation. But I keep going back. We keep going back. And we keep loving them. Keep loving on them. And you know, people say, well, don't you get scared? No, one, I'm covered by the blood of Jesus. Absolutely. Absolutely. First and foremost, yeah by the blood. I don't go anywhere unless Jesus says, okay, this is where I want to go. So that's where I know I'm protected.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And two, when you're consistent and they see you coming, they actually get excited. One, they know that you you got some food coming, you got some clothes.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But they also know that I'm not gonna look at them any different. Absolutely. I'm gonna look at them for who they are.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

We've been able to pull people out and they go into treatment. Some they're just not ready yet. But I wasn't ready for a lot of years.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And people call me the surgeon. I didn't know this. But then there's a pastor who's doing a talking about the outreach at church one day and he goes, Yeah, we got Scott the surgeon.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because God has blessed me, and it's not me. This is nothing, this is all the Holy Spirit. And but you could go up to somebody or the pastor that the church who's in recovery could go up and talk to somebody, they're gonna shut down. Yeah. I walk up to them and within seconds they're just giving me their life story. Yeah, absolutely. People say that I'm easy to talk to, but I listen. You know what I and that's what my second book that I'm excited that's at the editor right now. Um it's meeting people where they're at because I I've seen people like you're talking to somebody, and I've seen people that like say you were in the house. I'm not bringing this into existence, I'm just using this as an example. And I was and somebody's talking to you, I can see their wheels turning. What am I gonna say next before you even get done? Yeah, when you're on the street, you can sense that that they're not really in it, they're not sincere, or and I'm not saying the people that I go out with aren't sincere, but unless you've been in that spot, it's hard to it it's hard to understand.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Where my mind is I am all ears. Yeah. I am all ears. And isn't that what Jesus when Jesus comes back, he's not gonna be hanging with the rich. Yeah. He's gonna be hanging he's gonna be hanging with the prostitutes and the the the drug addicts and the the lost and the broken. So I I would go through all that again to be where I'm at today and to be able to make a difference in somebody's life. Absolutely. I would be beat again and raped and and eat some throw up and go through all the all the the stuff that happened to me and I did. Now I regret the lives that I damaged. If there was one regret, that would be the lives that I damaged.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But I would do it, I would do it all over again because I've been able to pull a lot of people out of the darkness. And you know, especially when it comes to the non-believer, that's where I really shine. That's where the Holy Spirit just knocks God out of the way. Yeah. Because if somebody says they don't believe in God or they have an issue with God, if you've never been there, you don't know how to address it. Right. Absolutely. I've been there. I thought God was not even and and they may not fully jump on board with Jesus at that point, but the seed is planted and they feel like that their their voice has been heard.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Does that make sense? That makes perfect sense. That's that's what I like. That's why it's all about healing. It's about hearing those voices, you know what I mean, that haven't been heard. Because I I truly feel if you haven't been through anything, then there's nothing for him to use. You know, he can't utilize you as that vessel if you haven't been through anything yet. So some of the toughest battles are for some of the greatest warriors, you know, in the army of God. And and that's what it's about. And I and I love what you're doing. I love how you're helping others, and I love how God is helping others through you. It's very, very powerful and uplifting.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I appreciate that. And it's my heart just hurts for people. It just hurts. Because now, even with the cold, and there's some people that don't want to get off the street, they don't want the help. Yeah, but I'm not gonna treat them any different than somebody that does want the help. Yeah. And how many people, and I'm sure you've encountered it. How many people out there that have never experienced Jesus? Nobody's ever told them about Jesus.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Or had that conversation because they're worried about, well, I'm worried about what they're gonna say. I'm gonna worry. Stop worrying about that. You could be the one person that is the light to get them start moving in that direction.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And what I love about God, when you find God, it it's He removes all the guilt and shame. There is no guilt and shame because we I feel that so many of us are internalizing so much guilt, so much shame, feeling as though I'm not gonna be accepted. I'm not, God's not gonna ever forgive me. He's not gonna look at me the same. And I'm not a child of God because of what I have done or what I am currently doing. But that's the time when God wants us to come to him the most, or during times like that, you know, and that's what prayer is about. Prayer is very, very powerful. It's it's it's amazing what prayer can do, right? The power of prayer, but it's for our struggles. And that's where it's just it's almost exciting. And I and I tell a lot of my listeners that when you once you go to God, it's a lot like Pringles, you know, once you pop, you can't stop. Like once, it's like you can't stop. It's like you you get in this mode where it's like what used to want, you know, be fun and feel good. It doesn't feel the same anymore because you're growing and you're growing with God now, and He grows us in that wisdom. And that's what I feel all of our struggles are about.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's just uh it's just it's so uplifting hearing your story, Scott. Well, I appreciate that. And then I'll tell you where I was at with God at one point. When I was in my addiction, um, I got baptized. I got baptized in my addiction, left the church, and before I hit the highway, I was smoking a bowl. Oh no, okay. If that tells you what I was at with yeah, and and I've been baptized since, you know, but what I've had to realize is that people think that they have to get to a certain level for God to meet them. Yeah, I know. God comes down to them, yeah. What comes down to us? It's just sometimes we we think it's like I was I was speaking in a place last week and it was a treatment center, and there was a guy that said it was all coincidence. He should have been dead, but it was coincidence, and yeah, there ain't no coincidence absolutely not, yeah. There's there's no it's God is coming down. But I think for me there was times where God was right there, but I was so blinded. I was so I had my blinders on because I had the mindset that God wasn't in my life because I would say, okay, God, help me stop getting high. Yeah, get me out of this mess. I'm not gonna get high anymore. And then 20 minutes later, I'm getting high. Right. Okay, God, you didn't do anything in 20 minutes, so you must not be there. Yeah, yeah. And I it's almost like I put God in a box. You know what I mean? He was in his box, and we can't put God in a box.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely. It's like the faith and trust, right? Because that's who God is. You gotta have faith and you gotta have trust, and it's without borders, right? We tend to live in a world where we they always say think outside the box, but it's as though we're all living in this box. But faith and trust are without borders. There is no box. It's just he's there. And it doesn't matter how many times you messed up, as long as you keep getting back up and you keep trying again. That's what it's all about, our life here on earth. If you are still living and breathing, you still have purpose in you. And I think that was one of the reasons why I was so excited to talk to you, Scott, because on that post, I don't know what it was. When I put that Facebook post out there, it was just like you. It was something about you. It was just like, I have to talk to him. I cannot wait to talk to him. And it was just, I don't know, it was just something in my spirit where I just really feel very led to speak with you. And I was just very excited to speak with you, definitely.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I'm I'm very honored. Um and people will tell you that I'm I don't do a lot of broadcasting online about my ministry. I don't I don't broadcast a lot of stuff that I do because it's not about it's not about it's about being the hand of feet of Jesus. And I'm about as humble as humble can get because I've been to a spot where I wasn't humble and got knocked down and I don't want to go there. I don't want to go there again.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But at the end of the day, it's not about me. Yeah, and it's not about you. Yeah, it's about that person that's out on the street, you know? And just giving them light. Um and people reach out, even though I'm not doing outreaches right now because of my knee, my phone still goes off by people needing treatment or resources or whatever. People know that I don't stop until I find resources.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't give up until now what you do with it after I give it to you, that's on you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But I don't give up until somebody has that that resource or prayer to to find the hope. Yeah. And and I gotta tell you, normally I don't when I see a post like that about looking for podcasters, I normally don't go out and just say, hey, well, you did you first, and then I did a couple more. It's like, okay, now I'm getting back into the groove of things, but I want people to look at me and realize, like I said before, if if God can pull me out when I was so far away from him, he can pull everybody out. Absolutely. It doesn't matter how much money you have, doesn't matter how you dress, it doesn't matter what religion, what color, none of that matters, right? What matters is is that we gotta love on everybody.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. We're here for all of us, and we can all come out of the darkness. And it's our spirit that will always speak authority over our flesh. And I believe a lot of people just don't understand that. And it's a that's why I bring all these connections together because that's what it's about. It's about healing and realizing we can come out of the darkness. There, it can get better, and we can all be saved, but we're here for all of us. Amen.

SPEAKER_00:

Amen. I'm saying God should just call me, you know, his son slash hot mess express. Yeah. But I mean, it's I I think I I feel the revival coming and a lot of chains are gonna be broken, a lot of strongholds are gonna be gone, and and people are just gonna be just they're gonna lay it down at the foot of the cross. Even the people that that because there's a lot of people out there that I've seen that people have just checked off. Yeah. Checked off, leave them alone. They're they're they're those people, those human beings are gonna be some of God's strongest warriors.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely, yeah. Yes, absolutely. And he will, and he's always gonna be there. That's the thing, is that he never leaves, right? Is and when the silence is loud, that's when you know that that's a lot of the enemy, right? The silence is loud, you're all these negative thoughts are coming. But God, he will always bring peace. He will put our minds at ease, even in the midst of a storm that we're in, he will still bring that peace over your life. And what, like you said, it's a lived experience. Once you experience it, it's it's so profound and empowering. It's like I want that feeling again. It's like now you start getting more into wanting, excuse me, and wanting that feeling over and over again. And you say, God, please just stay with me. And I don't know how many times even I still struggle, how many times I feel like giving up on whatever's going on in my life. And it's still about staying in God's will. You have to stay with that because there's gonna be days that the enemy's never gonna stop chasing us. It's never gonna stop trying to pull us in temptation, whatever that temptation may be. But being able to speak to people like yourself and other people who are all kind of on the same path and the same road to redemption, it's that's what it's about, being here for each other, being here for all of us, because we're all just basically trying to find our way back home at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_00:

Amen. And you know, when I go home, I want to hear, well done, my faithful servant. Yeah, I don't want to hear, I don't know your name. That that scares me. And I want so many other people to to to hear that same word. And let's just crowd heaven up. Let's just crowd and yeah. You know, it's funny you said that when you mentioned that you know he calmed us through the storm with me not working for four months. Yeah, it's been kind of tight with some things, and but we're always praising God because he always just gives us what we need when we get. Now, if it was 90 degrees summer and I was laid up for four months on the couch, I might have been a little crabby. Yeah, that's understandable. But when it's cold out, you know, you stay inside where it's warm, but through things that through the the tests that we've been going through, we still praise him. Yeah. And we were talking about that this morning. When we were in school and we were taking a test, this teacher was quiet. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The teacher was still there, but the teacher was quiet. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And he's quiet when we go and do something to see if we're gonna lean on him or not, or if we're gonna backslide or do this, but he's always there.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And it's about healing outside of the environment where you were broken. A lot of us, when we're trying to figure out our lives and figure out where to go, we try to heal where we were already broken. And that's you're never gonna it's it takes growth. And in order to grow, you kind of have to go outside your comfort zone. It's it's so easy to fall back into what is familiar and what's comfortable, and then that complacency set sets in. But it's about being uncomfortable and allowing that growth and that wisdom to grow, you know, and and to find that understanding with God and allow God to give you that understanding. And a lot of it takes forgiveness. And I've realized that it's harder to forgive yourself more than it is to forgive anyone else. Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

That was that was hard for me. Yeah. Hard for me. Yeah, that's what it is. You know, the first time I did the steps and it just showed what people did to me and then what I did to others, it was like, okay, so I did this and I did this and I did this and I did this, and it I was that kind of person. And it was a struggle to just finally, you know what? That's not who you that's not who you are today. And then yeah, it was the drugs that did that, and but once I was able to forgive myself, a lot of freedom came in. A lot of healing. And being able to forgive my stepdad who did that to me, my real dad who beat me, being able to forgive them, there was freedom in that too. And people say, Well, how can you do that? I'm not, and they're both passed away, but I wasn't forgiving them for them, I was doing that for me. Right. I could heal. Yeah, because I'm not gonna let somebody still control my feelings on the inside.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I had to go through some therapy and some stuff and peel the onions back, which you know, my therapist, I wanted to choke her and hug her at the same time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I know what you mean.

SPEAKER_00:

And I told her that, and she just laughed and she said, I'm doing my job. I wanted to choke her because she was making me. Deal with that. Oh, yeah. Hugger because she was making me deal with that. Yeah. You know, so you know, it's the journey in life is amazing. Through the good, the bad, the ugly. We always know that the one person that will never fail us is Jesus Christ Himself.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I I can get in the Bible and there's a scripture for everything that I anything I'm going through in life, I could look at scripture. And okay, I hear you. No.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Sometimes he has to hit me in the head with a bat, like Babe Ruth Baton, because I'm stubborn.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But there's not a better feeling knowing that God is with me all the time.

SPEAKER_02:

And so, Scott, tell let's tell the listeners how they can reach you.

SPEAKER_00:

Scott Hartman on Facebook. And she's got a copy of, and I thought I had it with me. If you give me about two seconds, I'll go get a book and they can see the book. Okay, absolutely. Go ahead. I apologize. I thought I had it sitting on a table, but that's the book that's available on Amazon. Okay. Right now I'm just on Facebook and then on Instagram, it's Scott the Street Minister Minister. I'm on TikTok. I think it's as Hartman. Okay. And right now that's it. I'm fixing to have somebody do a website for my ministry. Okay. For my wife and I. I keep saying nine, but I and I I jump on her, not jump, but I I tell her, she goes, well, Scott's ministry, and they say, no, it's our ministry now. Because so we're fixing to have a website done for that. Just uh just so people can see what we're doing. Um when we like if we have an event come up, like it's pretty cool here in March. I don't know if you've heard of the band Rare Breed. No, never heard of Christian hip hop that's got like a country twang to it. Okay. They're coming to to Hyde Ridge and they're gonna put on a concert and they they have altar calls at the end at baptisms, and so when we do stuff like that, we're gonna have a website, but right now just Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and then this is on available on Amazon. Okay, and what's the name of that book? From chasing dope to pushing hope, my steps to recovery and redemption.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, all right, and I'll be putting all that down in the show notes as well. And Scott, if there was one piece of information that you could give, or not information, advice that you could give the listeners, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00:

To keep pushing, to give it to God. You know, it's uh when you think you don't have any juice left in the the tank, yeah, keep pushing. Yeah, and and just lean on God more. It's I tell people if you got a couple minutes or a couple seconds, I got I I tell a story when I get done speaking that pertains to to that. But there's a kid that wants to play a game with his dad, and his dad doesn't have the time when he tells his son no. His son leaves the office, the dad can just tell his son's upset, and the dad goes, Okay, Jesus, what can I do? And the dad has a picture of a map on his desk. So he takes that map and he rips it up into just a bunch of pieces, puts it in a bag with some some tape, calls his son and says, Okay, son, here's the first, here's the first game. Put the map back together, and then we'll play game number two. And the son just grabs the bag, runs out all excited, and the dad's going, Thank you, Jesus. I've got three or four hours to get my job work. Yeah. 45 minutes later, the son comes back in, he's got the map done. Yeah. And the dad goes, How'd you do it so quick? And the son, like, you know, just all excited. He goes, It's easy, Dad. On the back of the map, there was a picture of a man. And once you put the man back together, the world fell into place. Wow. Yeah. So I tell people, as long as you get up every day, you give it to God, and you put one foot in front of the other. Yeah, don't do anything crazy in your hands with drugs or alcohol, or if you're in gambling or porn or whatever's in your whatever your your addiction is, as long as you don't do that, you just put a piece of the puzzle back together. You just keep pushing. Now we'll never put that puzzle back to fully together until we go home. But every day it's a piece of the puzzle.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely. And no matter how many times you fall, just keep getting up and trying again.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so it's no matter because there's days you want to just bury your head in the pillow and you don't want to get out of bed. Yeah. Just get up. Yeah. Just just get up. And and you know, if you have to put your shoes underneath the bed, so when you get out of bed, you have to get on your knees to pull your shoes out. You're already on your knees, so start praying. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and and and certainly reach out. You know, if I did not know how to get high my first time, so I somebody had to show me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So if I let somebody show me how to get high, I had to let somebody show me a walk with Jesus in recovery.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

So if I had some advice, that would be it. Just keep pushing.

SPEAKER_02:

Just keep pushing. And then I mean, also for you, going through detox could not have been easy. So with something that difficult to be able to make it through that to where you are today, that in itself is very powerful. And it also lets you know how powerful God is and how his help can get you through anything. Because what was that detox like?

SPEAKER_00:

When I came off the when you come off Met, the pain pills are when you come off Met, the detox for me was just sleep. My body was tired. Okay. When I came off the pain pills, it was the most god-awful thing I ever went through in my life. What happened? It felt like every bone in my body was gonna break and pop through the skin. Oh my goodness. My skin was crawling, hot, cold. It would be summertime, 100 degrees out, and I've got a hoodie on, I've got sweats on a good day. It was just throwing up and not throwing up in diarrhea at the same time. Yeah, it was awful.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's I didn't know what was going on at that point because I had that happened before I got into recovery. And then when I got into treatment, all the guys were saying, Well, that's like coming off heroin. I said, I don't want to, I don't want to experience that again.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't want to go through that. It's awful. But I know that it was God that carried me through. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And how long, how long did that detox take?

SPEAKER_00:

It was bad for about seven days. But to fully get through the the to get the energy back, and for me it was about 60 days. Okay.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And see I did, I was going through that when I was down for 10 months, living in my going through when I had that accident.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I couldn't get out to get any hard drugs. So once the doctor winged me off and cut me off the pain pills, I it was rough. Yeah. So as soon as I could get out, I was out. I was gone. It was it was game one. So anywhere from like I guess 30 to 60 days for my body to to finally come around, I guess.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But sleep-wise, I still over nine years in, I still don't sleep good. Yeah. I don't know if it's 30 years of meth and just go, go, go, go, go. I still don't sleep good, even I average about four hours sleep a day monthly five. Okay. But that detox was not just no.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, just no. And do you have any urges to still take drugs or like what's that like? It's just completely gone.

SPEAKER_00:

When I was had all the the surgeries, yeah, the doctor had me on. I was on one, two, three, four, five medicines altogether. And he gave us he gave me pain pills. And I took them as needed. Yeah. I didn't take because I knew my brain. If I started taking them, my brain would just go. And I wasn't, but I wasn't gonna lay there in pain either. So I was taking them. And Robin, I'm telling you, when I stopped taking all of those, because I got tired of medicine, and and so I stopped taking every and I talked to the doctor, right? I just didn't go again. I stopped taking every spasm medicine and gavapentin, and there was just so many other for three days. Yeah, the detox was awful. Oh my goodness. This was the the last day was New Year's Eve.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And my wife was going, What can I do? And I said, Pray. You can't do nothing. I couldn't lay down, I couldn't sit up, I couldn't sleep, my skin was crawling. I was that close to going to the emergency room, and and God said, No, we got you. Lasted three days, but it was awful.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I I don't have urges to to get high anymore. I don't get urges for to to drink. Every now and then that thought will come in. Yeah. But as soon as it comes in, I get it right back out. Yeah. Right? It's I used to to shoot whiskey with the knife in a spoon. And I'd walk in. If I go into a gas station, I'd see like a fireball or something. My brain for a minute would go, I wonder what that would taste like. Yeah. Um, but urges, urges, no, no, not at all. Praise God that I don't have those. Those are right now. This is my this is my one demon, and that's Celsius. I get that. So no, I don't, I don't have that. I don't today. I I don't want to get high. I don't want to get drunk. My life is too good. Yeah. Um, you know, it and people ask me, and honestly, if I got high and I feel like I would be kicking Jesus in the in the gut. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not doing that today because of everything she's done. I'm just not no. Nope. Nope. And I've been around doing the outreaches. I've been around where there's been a lot of drugs. Yeah. My my favorite drug. I've seen a lot of meth and I've seen a lot of crack doing outreach and it doesn't phase me. Good. I've seen people with syringes in their arms. It doesn't phase me. They start freaking out, and I say, look, dude, no, you ain't got to worry about me because I used to be. So don't freak out, you know. But no, it's when you got Jesus, you ain't got to worry about that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, that is very true. I love that. I love that statement. But Scott, I want to thank you again so much for for coming on. I really do appreciate your time.

SPEAKER_00:

I Robin, I appreciate and like I said, I'm honored and humbled. And I know we were talking just about 40 minutes on the email. I think we went a little over, so I apologize about that. No, no, you're perfectly fine. You're perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_02:

That's okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And like I said, definitely once I get things going, I I I want to I want to bring you on to hear your how you started the this and the healing.

SPEAKER_02:

And because I'm excited about hearing that. No problem. I will definitely be glad to tell my story as well. But again, this is Scott Hartman and I'm Robin Black. This is It's All About Healing Podcast. Everyone, stay blessed.