It's All About Healing

From Hidden Pain to Healing: My Journey with Emotional Eating, Surgery, And Faith: Episode 369

• Robin Black

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The chair looks sturdy until it doesn’t. The seatbelt looks standard until it clicks past your limit. That’s where our conversation begins—at the quiet breaking points that make everyday life feel like a test, and the moment you decide to fight for a life that fits.

We open with the raw truth of public anxiety: booths that bruise, flights that leave legs burning, and the shame of asking for what your body needs. From there, we trace the path into emotional eating—how comfort foods become constant companions, how isolation grows, and why cultural judgment misses the full picture of what people carry. We talk about the invisible struggles you can’t see at a glance—addiction, codependency, stress—and the radical power of small compassion, the kind that starts with a real “How are you?” and waits for the answer.

The health choices are unflinching. We break down the lived experience of Adipex (phentermine): furnace-like heat, racing heartbeat, breathlessness, and weeks of sharp irritability. We also share a confusing spiral of hot flashes and shame, and what it taught us about listening to the body without panic. Then comes a turning point: choosing gastric sleeve surgery not as a shortcut, but as a disciplined tool. We get practical about what life looks like after surgery—reflux realities, portion limits, why protein matters, and the hard rule to avoid eating two to three hours before sleep. There’s honesty here about cravings that linger and the small, reliable rituals that help, like choosing safe foods that sit well and being patient with progress.

Threaded through it all is faith and resilience. Prayer and spoken word poetry became a lifeline during job loss, housing upheaval, and days that felt endless. The message isn’t perfection; it’s surrender, structure, and the courage to ask for help. If you’re navigating emotional eating, stimulant side effects, or a surgical path, you’ll find both practical guidance and steady hope.

If this conversation meets you where you are, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so others can find it. Your story matters, and your next step can start today.

©2022-2026 Soul Healer17:77, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Any copying of this poetry and audio in whole or part is prohibited. *I do not own the rights to the royalty free music*

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back, listeners. I'm Robin Black, and this is It's All About the Healing Podcast. I am back now with part two speaking about the guilt, the shame, and being an emotional eater. So as far as the guilt and the shame, it is very, very, very hard when you are overweight because we think about things that most people would never think about on a daily basis. Every time I went to restaurants, I would have high anxiety because I would be so afraid that the waitress would put me in a booth, right? And it never failed. They would always sit you in a booth. And so I'd have to ask for a table. Then when I asked for a table, then that fear of, oh no, is this chair gonna hold me? Right. That was hard. And it takes a lot to admit that. On I think I was turning 38. I was taking the turn of 38. Yeah, I think I was on my 38th birthday. My mom paid for me to go to Vegas. And I had my little brother, my aunt and uncle were with us. I mean, we we had a blast, right? But getting there was an ordeal because it felt like my my legs were bleeding on the plane. That was hard. That was a huge wake-up call for me because I had to ask for an extender on the plane, and that's a seatbelt extender. The seatbelt extender didn't even fit, right? That was really hard to admit. But it it's just it was so embarrassing. It was embarrassing. I felt ashamed, and I had my mom with me, but I still didn't even want her to know about it. So mind you, I'm in Indiana. We're flying to Vegas, right? So it's it's a bit of a flight. And when I'm like so squished in this seat, the the sides of the seats were hard. And we had maybe 30, 40 minutes left of the flight. The, you know, the piloted or the stewardess came through, the flight attendant came through and told us that, hey, we're getting ready to prepare for landing. All I kept thinking was my legs have to be bleeding. And I think my mom looked over and she could finally see the pain on my face, and she asked if I was okay. And I just flat out told her, I said, no, I said, I'm in excruciating pain. And she was like, why? What's wrong? And I said, My legs, my legs feel like they're numb. I don't even know if I'll be able to get up from this seat. That was that was hard. That was hard. That that was definitely my breaking point of having this surgery and knowing I had to have this surgery because I cannot live like this anymore. Then just being an emotional eater. There's so much guilt, there's so much shame. You hide away from family. You want to hide behind closed doors. And then when you're eating your feelings, me being an emotional eater, it just caused me to eat more. It caused me to eat bigger portions. It like food literally became my comfort. It came, it became my go-to. And I hid away from family, I hid away from friends. I didn't want to be around anyone. And it was, it, it was such a dark place to be in mentally and to go out when it was time to go to work and to wear this smile, right? Hide behind my smiles and put on this armor of perfection as if everything's okay. Meanwhile, I'm crushed on the inside. And the truth is, our exterior, it displays a lot, right? Whether it's the behavior that's being displayed, whether it's, you know, when you see someone, you know, that's overweight, you don't know what they're battling with internally, right? A lot of the world today makes fun of people, right? People who are battling with sex addiction, with overeating, with drug addiction, alcoholism. There, there's so many things that people are struggling with, right? People who can't be alone. So they will get in a relationship with anyone because they're battling with codependency. Like there are so many different things that people are battling with internally that you can't physically see. But certain things will be displayed almost like a canvas, and mine happened to be my weight. You know what I mean? Some people may have, you know, where they break out really badly when they're stressed out. Like there, there's lots of signs that some people may be battling with something internally. But I feel we as a world shouldn't make fun of people like that. You know, it's more about being there for each other. It's very universal to say, How are you? How are you doing? And then just walking away and not even listening for that answer. But maybe one day somebody really might be getting ready to tell you how their day really is, how they're really feeling, and not to make fun of people because it is so hard when you are out here struggling with something internally, and you have to fake it as if you're perfectly fine and you're just like, I'm literally dying inside, right? Getting dressed was so horrible. And I remember I was dating this younger guy, and I did not know what was going on, right? But I didn't know that being on Adipex contributed to it. So I would we went to Jacksonville, North Carolina, which is beautiful, right? It's marine base. Oh my gosh, so beautiful. We had dinner on the beach every day. It was phenomenal, right? But he took me to this aquarium, and the aquarium was air conditioned, right? It's it's in the middle of May, so it's hot. But the air, the the aquarium was air conditioned, but I was sweating profusely, and I was so ashamed, so embarrassed because I'm like, I don't know what's wrong with me. Like, what is it? And I'm just sitting here like mortified because I don't know what's going on with me, and I don't have anybody to ask, right? Because he's younger than me. I can't tell him what's going on. That's embarrassing. I don't want him to know. So I'm just like grabbing the paper towel, turning around, trying to hurry up and pat myself off. Like, I have no idea what is happening. I don't know if I'm dying, like something is not right. So, and he he turns around like when we're getting ready to walk out. And he was like, Are you okay? So then I'm even more embarrassed. So now it's like I was already ready to ignite. Now I'm officially on fire. Now that he called me out, I'm really like ashamed. I'm so, so embarrassed, right? Because I'm like, I have no idea what's wrong with me. So when I finally that that trip's over, I finally make it home. We didn't end up staying together, whatever. But I finally make it home, and my son has orientation for school. And my mom goes with us, and my daughter's with me, and we're all together, and it starts up again, right? I'm ready to ignite. I'm like, what is this? I don't know what this is. And my mom turns around and she looks at me and she starts laughing, right? Being a mom, she starts laughing and she was like, Are you hot? And I was like, Yes, I'm dying. Why am I so hot? I don't know what's wrong with me. And she was like, You're having a hot flash. So I'm like, what is what? How? You know what I mean? I'm only 38, 37 at the time. I don't even remember. So, and she was like, Yeah, maybe you're you're experiencing, you know, perimenopause. So I'm like, okay, what? And she was like, but there's there's medication for it. We can just stop at Walgreens and get it. And I was like, I don't care. Tell me how much it is. I don't care if it's$100, I don't care if it's$200, whatever it is, I'm getting it because I'm about to, I cannot do this. I don't care how much it is. She was like, it is kind of expensive, but it's not that expensive. And I think it was like 40 bucks, but it did work. And every single time I got ready to go to the doctor, it just, I don't know, it just, it just didn't happen. So I honestly don't know if I was going through perimetables, I had no idea. Cause I just, I don't know. I was going through a lot mentally at that time, but I really will say that I believe Adipex played a major, major role in that because the generic version of adipex is fentramine. And when you first get on it, mind you, it acts like speed, right? It it your body acts like a furnace, it ignites it. So you're burning fat even when you're just sitting there doing nothing. So I really think the adipex played a major part in that. And the side effects of adipex were irritability for me. And when I tell you irritability, it's irritability, like on such a high level. And that irritability is close to evil. Like it makes it made me so angry for probably like the first 15 to maybe 20 days. And then it's like you go back to normal. I I don't know. I don't know if that affects other people that way. That's the way that it affected me. So you it's just something that you want to kind of be mindful of and it makes your heart race. So when you're just sitting there, your heart rate is it's it's pumping and it's pumping fast all the time. And sometimes when I would be talking, I'll be like, I'm out of breath. I would just get out of breath because the adipex was working, I'm overweight. It was just, it's it can be very, very dangerous. So you just want to be careful when you're on adipex. But as far as the guilt that I felt was me being a woman of God, you know, gluttony. You're we're not supposed to be overeaters. We're not supposed to do that. Then feeling the guilt of hiding away from my family. I didn't want to see my mom. It was hard being around my kids. You know, it I didn't want to see anybody in my family, I didn't want to see any of my friends. I just, I wanted to hide away. I didn't want anybody to see the weight that I had gained. But one of the greatest things that I will say that I was blessed with this surgery is God knows our struggles. He knows what we're struggling with. And you have to go to him, right? That's how he paid for this surgery. He knew what I was struggling with. And even though I had that guilt and that shame, he helped deliver me of that guilt and shame, right? By giving me this surgery, by helping me mentally. And it was just so many different ways that he was helping me go through this through my spoken word poetry. It's like trying to help others was really therapeutic for me. And the relationship that I built with God, the intimacy that I was able to gain with God through all of this and everything that he took me through, every single battle, my house, my apartment catching on fire, selling my house, everything that was going on in my house, everything that happened, it was like through every single struggle, not having a job, out here driving Uber and Lyft and trying to just trying to make it day by day, living in a hotel, doing this, doing that. My story runs deep, right? But it is God who said who helped save me. Again, he helped me saving from my own self-destruction. And he he released me, he delivered all that guilt and shame that I was carrying with myself every single day. He helped deliver me of that, and he still helps me, right? And don't get me wrong, I'm still an emotional eater. But I definitely try my hardest to stay one, stay in God's word, stay in his will. But being an emotional eater, having the surgery has really saved me. And having developing the acid reflux definitely saved me because that acid reflux is no joke. It makes me sick a lot. And if I eat one bite too many, it's like here it comes. Um that part's not fun. And it may never go away. I don't know. So you just you want to be careful when you invite certain foods in. Definitely again, follow the doctor's orders, follow what they tell you to do. But again, you know your own body. You're gonna you're gonna do it however you choose. But I highly, highly suggest following the doctor's orders. But what can I say? I still struggle being an emotional eater. I still have my sweets, but the good thing is I can't eat a lot of it. So I'm still steadily losing because of the protein and just not really being able to eat. Honestly, I've been eating cucumbers almost every single day for a little over a year. So, and I love cucumbers, but it's the one thing that I can eat that stays down and I don't really have a problem with. But I will say when the doctor tells you do not eat two to three hours before you go to bed, don't do it, right? Make sure you keep it at two to three hours with nothing on your stomach before you fall asleep because you will throw up. And it is not fun when you throw up in the middle of your sleep, right? That it's very dangerous. So just whatever you do, make sure you don't eat right before you fall asleep. Never, ever, ever make that mistake. Because I have made that mistake several times. Because sometimes you can't help it, right? But definitely try to avoid that once you have the sleeve surgery. You know, the other surgeries, I don't know, but gastric sleeve, especially, don't fall asleep. So that's all I could say is give yourself that time. But in this next video, I'll be talking about the vitamins, the protein, and the prote fit food that I was on. But again, everything is gonna be in the description below. If you guys have any questions, again, also reach out, email me. My email is gonna be in the description below. And if you want to speak about your surgery, right, male or female, definitely, definitely I would love to have you on the show. So, again, everyone, Robin Black. This is It's All About Healing Podcast. Everyone, stay blessed.